It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
