Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
