i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
