i think my tv is drunk
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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