There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
