She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
