Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
