The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
