I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
