why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
