She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
