my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
