Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
