Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
