If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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