But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
