i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
