She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize