threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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