I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
