Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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