Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
