I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
