with your own penis?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
