So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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