well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
