i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize