I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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