She said her name was "party"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sarcasm needs its own font
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
