I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
tequila makes me forget i have legs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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