so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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