Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
