There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
