My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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