Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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