you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize