I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
