half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
