you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
