All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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