there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize