So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
