allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
