Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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