Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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