I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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