For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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