I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
