There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
