Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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