Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
