Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
