Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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