hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
