yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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