Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
