Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
