first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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