so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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