whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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