I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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