i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
