I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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