@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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