just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
