Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
