He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it's like iHOP with fire
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
