Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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