this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
