ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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