Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
