just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize