So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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