Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
