at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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