Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
