all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Life is so much better after having sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
