I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
