Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
