...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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