And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
