Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
