just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize