We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
