tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But break dance skills will only take you so far
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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