Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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