I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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