Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
