This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
