Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
