you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
