what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
