I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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