i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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