I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize