Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
