Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
